A Restless Night

TW: mention of self-injury

I feel quite unsettled tonight. In the last few hours I’ve had two long, drawn out arguments with two different people who were supporting the MOAB strike on Afghanistan (which, clearly, was a terrible thing to happen what with all of the civilian casualties that are bound to have resulted from it).

I don’t mind arguing with people individually, but two simultaneous arguments take their toll on my socially anxious, introverted ass, and I keep thinking of great rebuttals I could have thrown at both of my opponents but am unable to since the arguments have ended now. It’s currently 1:59am and those thoughts along with a swelling anger are keeping me from sleeping. You would have thought, since social interactions normally sap my energy, that I would be sound asleep by now. Unfortunately, that appears not to be the case.

The anger that’s been brought forth has caused me to self-harm after 11 days of being clean. At risk of sounding excessively Edgy™, I needed to hurt something, and it seems that something turned out to be myself. It’s okay, though, I’m proud of making it to 11 days. I normally cut every few days, so this was a small triumph.

I’m kind of in the mood to write some fiction, and that would be great if it wasn’t so late (early?) right now. I haven’t written in so long and I want to get back into it. Maybe after I stop needing to revise so incessantly for my A Levels. I used to write all the time but now I seem to either hate every sentence I write and find it excruciatingly cheesy, resulting in me scribbling it out and never making any progress, or I just have no ideas at all. I don’t know why. It’s unfortunate.

Well, after writing out my thoughts, I’m yawning and I think I might be in a better mindset to try to sleep. Thanks for taking the time to read the post, I appreciate it.

-Phantom

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